In the Name of Love

We interrupt your regularly scheduled weekly blog to bring you a taste of English Valentines Day.

Happy Valentines Week! This year, Kevin and I hope to celebrate this most special of special “holidays” by commemorating our love in the same fashioned as last year, by forgetting about it completely until the actual day, upon which someone will inevitably ask us our plans for the evening. But in spite of our pessimism for pointless celebrations and a light hatred of an entire day culturally and historically wrapped in a thin chocolate shell of anti-feminist banter and women-blaming, we decided to enthrall you with the Brit’s take on good ole romance.

Living in northern England amongst the salt-of-the-earth, we’ve discovered with delight the local love of taking a stroll, getting out of the city and enjoying the treasures of the Peak District, Britain’s first national park, within whose borders Sheffield resides. It is no surprise that a favorite Valentines activity amongst those of  Yorkshire and Derbyshire is a brisk walk in the countryside accompanied by a light dusting of historical curiosity.

Before the start of yet another semester we wished for an escape from the city, an expansion of our familiarity with local surroundings, and to spend some time together. The Peak District, with its 555 square miles encompassing quaint villages, breathtaking views, and thousands of years of historical relevance seemed a perfect location for such a romantic outing. But first, we had to clarify the definition of “romantic outing.” Such a term, in the context of the British countryside, summons visions of grand impressions, history, quiet moments, and out of the ordinary experiences. The British, however, have their own take. It seems, such a jaunt could qualify itself as “romantic” if the participants escaped with their lives while remembering those who were not as fortunate.

In this point of our tale we come to the “Top Ten Romantic Places” list created by the official Peak District tourism board. Within the arguments stating the abundant romantic features of each establishment, the list boasts of not one, not two, but FOUR properties connected to ghastly and horrifying deaths of those associated with the “love stories.” Perfect for a day out with that special someone, eh?

One such story reads as follows, (note: this lovely little morsel lists third on the romantic-scale), “Winntas Pass, Castleton. Dramatic backdrop for the brutal murder of ill-fated lovers Allan and Clara in 1758…” No, don’t ease into in by describing the beautiful surroundings, just dive right into the horrible-death-aspect of this romantic location. “The couple, who planned to wed in secret against the wishes of Clara’s father, were attacked, robbed and clubbed to death by four drunken lead miners as they negotiated the steep pass.” No, that’s OK, don’t spare us any of the gruesome details. I’m really glad I can picture this event in its entirety…occurring in the exact place to which you wish me to travel…you know…to celebrate my love. Oh wait, it’s not yet finished. “Unfortunate Allan and Clara were hastily buried nearby. Many years later, their bodies were recovered and given a Christian burial in St. Edmund’s churchyard.” I’m so glad it was a happy ending…for their wild-animal-torn bodies!

If the warm and bubbly feelings you got from that particular “romantic location” didn’t convince you of the oh-so-idyllic day out awaiting you, please, continue reading the list. The next stop on our love train of doom takes us to Stoney Middleton, a sleepy village and home to a “lover’s leap.” Who doesn’t just go bananas over a good, old fashioned, jump-to-your-death love story? Just when you think this one might have a happy ending, as “jilted Hannah Baddaley flung herself off the clip top, and was fortunately saved by her voluminous skirts, which acted as a parachute,” we are quickly reminded that the lovers-leap narrative demands depression as its toll, and “sadly, the reluctant spinster died of natural causes only two years later, still unwed.” Nothing like kicking a sister when she’s down.

If you are a lover of classical literature, why not head over to North Less Hall in Hathersage, possibly the inspiration for Charlotte Bronte’s Thornfield Hall in Jane Eyre, and absorb the atmospheric architecture. Now, if memory serves correct, that was one long book. A long book, in fact, with many memorable scenes taking place within Thornfield, such as Jane’s embarrassment at a dinner party, Bronte’s first description of Jane’s room, or Jane speaking with Mr. Rochester as his unattested equal. Clearly, none of these scenes would be as fitting in a guide to romantic places as the ONLY ONE depicted in said guide: “According to the book, Rochester’s mad wife sprang to her death from Thornfield’s battlements.” Good use of the term battlement, bad use of thematic example.

We come to the epic, historic, and final stop on our tour, the Manor Farm, which boasts itself as the site of Anthony Babington’s failed rescue plot of Mary Queen of Scots, which “cost him his head” and apparently lead to her eventual execution. Lovely.  Although the attempted rescue of Queen Elizabeth’s most pesky prisoner would no doubt get one a date with the ax, Mary’s fate was more tied to her status as a royal liability and less to some ill-conceived attempt to free her, (he “started to dig a tunnel from Manor Farm” apparently to another manor, “but gave up”), masterminded by a man with whom she may or may not have been associated. If that’s not a classic love story which should be marketed to lovebirds everywhere (especially the part about throwing in the towel), then please set me straight.

The main argument for visiting  five of the ten listed is their history as sets for popular Hollywood or BBC productions. Of course, I’m sure these movies had realistic views of love appropriate to win a place for their location on the ten top romantic places in the Peaks list! I’m as sure of this as I am that most men want for nothing than to spend an entire weekend touring the sets of their favorite movies and miniseries, you know such as Pride and Predujuce (both 2005’s and 1995’s), The Dutchess,  and The Other Boleyn Girl, while their girlfriends repeatedly exclaim “I’m sure this is from that scene, remember the scene where…”

Congratulations, Rudyad Lake, you are the only location of the esteemed ten without a harrowing history of horror (at least that we are aware) and which is also not a period film set. Although, the arguments behind your being chosen as a passionate and poetic location for lovers old and young is rather lame, as you are the namesake of Rudyard Kipling, beloved author of The Jungle Book. Yes, Rudyard Kipling was named after a lake outside of Manchester. A lake which he most likely never frequented or even visited in his entire, exotic life.

What have these travels through romantic northern England taught us? In order to market a destination as a romantic get-away to a segment of British tourists, connect it in some way to a brutal murder, suicide attempt, murder/suicide, or choose a movie set (extra points for positioning your destination as a former site of a double murder now used as a movie set). If all else fails, chose a spot special in the obscure annals of an author unfortunately unknown by the vast majority of contemporary society, but whose work is still recognizable and preferably has been tuned into a Disney movie. Next, exploit, exploit, exploit. Lastly, open a gift shop completed with branded carrier bags.